He is Faithful.

Triumphant blogs are hard to write when you're not feeling triumphant.  Putting your best face forward doesn't always require a mask.  I don't necessarily thrive on uncertainty.  I feel down, useless, and unwanted.  I feel weak, stupid, and pathetic.  But the thing is, MY HEART IS DECEITFUL ABOVE ALL ELSE.

  I've been tempted to believe the lies that say, "You're not supposed to be in Australia, Jared.  You're not with Wycliffe anymore.  What's the point?  Your family is all in the US, and they miss you.  Don't waste your time here.  Go home.  Go home."

  I've been tempted to believe the lies in my own spirit that I am worthless, can't do much, and I'm not needed for anything anyway.  The lies press in on every side so much so that I almost want to just quit. Who needs this anyway?  But there is always one quiet, gentle voice, saying, "I brought you here.  I am not looking for what YOU can do for ME.  I'm interested in the man you are becoming, and I am shaping you.  Don't give up."  

  Sometimes that really angers me!   I wish I could just simply go through life being "religious"--doing all the "right" things, and not worry about the inner man.  I wish it was all how I looked on the outside, because I can play the game pretty well.  I've been a Christian for years.  I know how to act.  But is the Holy Spirit truly the one in control, or is it just my fear of what people might say?   The thing is, God IS interested in making me truly sanctified starting from the very core of my being    outward.

  This is such a struggle because every single day I am faced with my sin, my deceitful heart, and my deep sadness and nagging doubts.  I know I'm unworthy.  I know I have no hope to become what God wants me to be... APART from Him. 

  I serve a loving, understanding, patient and kind God.  Even when my deceitful heart is raging within my chest and I'm trying to crawl into the coffin next to my old man(the one who was crucified with Christ--Gal. 2:20), and completely stop doing anything the Lord has called me to do---God has defeated my deceitful heart.  I don't need to listen anymore to the lies that try to sway me and draw me into despair... away from the God who loves me.        

He tells me, "Call me Abba, Father."  He takes my hand, and leads me on, He speaks Truth to my heart.  As I read the Bible, God speaks to my heart and tells me the truth about Himself, about me, and about the world I'm living in.

  So, I think again about the desire to be "religious" instead of "sanctified"...  If simply having an outward show of religiosity does nothing to bring me closer to the Father God who loves me, nothing to truly bring about an inner sanctification, I need to spend more time focusing on Him.  I need to turn my deceitful heart over to God and allow Him to cleanse and purify it.  Though I fail every single day, I trust that God's Word is true.  

  

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it  until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6